NOT Satan’s birthday
It’s Falloween! We have to call it that now because otherwise THE CHILDREN might learn about a Pagan Holiday *gasp*. WHAT?! Something that isn’t family-friendly? A non - pro - choice - politically - correct - morally - superior - white - heterosexual - upper - middle - class celebration of demons and souls and all things unnatural?
But we added candy!
Nope—still not good enough. On this day we will sit quietly and enjoy sugar-free treats with inspiring biblical messages printed on the wrapper. And we will learn about how God loves you, except when He doesn’t, in which case you’ll spend all eternity in a place worse than your most sweat-drenched nightmares; forever tortured physically and emotionally by the most evil creatures man cannot even begin to describe. And then there’s the fire.
Oh wait, He still loves you when that happens too. My mistake.
Happy Treat-day!
Tags: , *gasp*, dichotomy, God, Halloween, People == Idiots