MySpace Red Flags
It’s true that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. But nowadays, book publishers are smart enough to avoid printing books with shitty covers. And as such, I feel perfectly justified judging someone’s MySpace profile within two seconds, using a few handy tips I’ve devised. Here are the red flags that’ll send me to the back button:
- Sparkly Pink. Everywhere.
- A picture of you with your boyfriend/other guy friend.
- The phrase “Proud Parent” next to the Children? detail. Especially if you’re 19.
- Your astrological sign. In sparkly pink cursive. And a description about why Aquarius is so “it.”
- The phrase “click here to see my webcam.”
- The use of ŰŽbarely recognized characters and squiggles in your display name. Yes, you just discovered Character Map. No, you don’t have to show off. No, you’re not impressing us.
- Low contrast color schemes. There’s a reason your newspaper isn’t printed with white ink. Look into that, would you?
- Animated GIFs. Seriously.
- Tiled backgrounds of your favorite boy band. With a matching music video.
- Misrepresentation of your age. No one wants you 14 year olds on here. Go back to Xanga, kthx.
- The word “clubbin’.”
That is all.
Tags: dislikes, lists, MySpace, red flags