Utter Sarcasm

Okay, we all know that Tyra Banks is a horrible actress, right? Like, “god-awful”?

I’ll be the first to admit that she looks great, but why do people keep paying her to walk around and talk like that? If it wasn’t bad enough to see her try to be dramatic (which reminded me of a repetitive, anticlimactic form of Downs Syndrome) on America’s Next Top Model, now my late-night channel surfing is interrupted by her dribble about being a woman on her own cataclysm: The Tyra Banks Show.

Here, Tyra is free to examine the heartache, depression, and obsession of ugly women with trying to be beautiful women. Of course, the best person to host a show like this is someone who spends four hours getting done-up before any public appearance and has been slathered all over billboards, magazine covers, and TV adds worldwide. Thanks, WB. Way to hit the nail on the head.

If there’s anything worse than seeing Tyra Banks and her “RIVAL” Naomi Campbell “make up” on the air (by revealing deep, dark secrets [read: their moms have the same birthday *GASP*]), it has to be seeing Ms. Banks balling her eyes out at any sign of emotional conquest.

“So, you guys I’m serious, you put the cookie down and hugged your dog? *BAWL* That is the most courageous thing I’ve ever heard! *TISSUE EXCHANGE* I am so honored to be here with you today! *61 PIECE ORCHESTRA PLAYING ADAGIO*” And scene.

I’ve always known that Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer and Montel and Maury and Jane (who?) and just about everyone else with a daytime talk show was a tool, but at least they weren’t a washed up model trying to “expand her horizons” by launching her pretty face into the ocean of moving media (you know, not little pictures of your good side) without having any idea how to swim.

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